God Awful Jokes That Are Funny
There are some terrible jokes that are just so bad that they transcend their level of badness and become super funny again. Every group of friends usually has someone with puns and jokes so bad that everyone will groan and cringe but still find it amusing anyway!
This collection consists of 150 of the worst jokes that are so bad that might leave you a little slack-jawed until the joke hits. These bad jokes don't care; they just embrace their own cringiness and revel in it!
And remember, these horrible jokes are so bad that you can even one-up any father figure's dad jokes!
154 Bad Jokes
— Jokes So Bad They're Actually Brilliant
1. A communist joke is not funny unless everyone gets it.
2. A guy took his girlfriend to prom. He waited in the ticket line for a really long time but got the tickets. He went to rent a limo and waited at the rental line for very long, but he eventually rented it. He went to buy flowers for his date and the line at the florist was really long, but finally, he got the flowers. At prom, she asked him to go get some punch. He went to the refreshment table, and there was no punchline.
3. A slice of pie costs $1.50 in Jamaica and $2.00 in the Bahamas. Those were the pie rates of the Caribbean.
4. According to research, about 3.14% of sailors are pi rates. (more math jokes here)
5. Arteries will always have a special place in my heart.
6. At what time did you go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.
7. Can a dog jump higher than a house? Well, duh. Houses can't jump.
8. Careful, the grass is dangerous! It's full of blades!
9. Did you hear about that new restaurant on the moon?
The food was fantastic but there was no atmosphere.
10. Did you hear about the latest drama at the circus?
It is in tents.
Next: 91 Short Jokes
11. Did you hear about those two guys that stole a calendar and then split it? They each got six months.
12. Did you hear that rumor about peanut butter? Yes, I'm going to spread it!!
13. Did you hear that story about the yogurt who saved the world?
It was legend dairy.
14. Did you know ants never get ill? It's because they have these anty-bodies.
15. Did you know what one sea said to another? Nothing, they simply waved.
16. Do you know how many ears Spock has?
Three. The left ear, the right ear, and then the final front ear.
17. Do you know the difference between a well-dressed person on a bicycle and a poorly dressed person on a tricycle?
Attire!
18. Do you know the kind of streets that are haunted by ghosts? You mean dead ends?
19. Do you know what happens to illegally parked frogs? They get toad.
20. Do you know what Yoda said when he saw himself in 4K? "HDMI."
21. Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he lives in Never Land!
Next: 60 Dirty Dad Jokes
22. Do you want to hear my joke about constructions?
Well, I'm still working on it!
23. Don't buy anything with Velcro. It's a rip-off.
24. Eggs and bacon walk into a bar. The bartender tells them, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
25. Fortune-teller: Excuse me, this shirt is too big for me.
Salesperson: But you haven't tried it on yet!
Fortune-Teller: I'm a medium
26. Have you heard about the kid napping at school? It's fine now, they woke up!
27. How can one fix a broken pumpkin?
By applying a pumpkin patch.
28. How can you identify a dogwood tree? From the bark.
29. How come does the invisible man turn down all the jobs he's offered?
He just can't see himself doing them.
30. How come spiders know everything?
They look everything up on the web.
31. How come the scarecrow won an award?
It was out standing in the field!
32. How did the hipster burn their tongue?
They drank their tea before it was cool!
33. How do you call Batman when he doesn't go to church? Christian Bale.
Next: 64 Deez Nuts Jokes
34. How does a witch's motorbike sound? Broom Broom.
35. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
36. How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten tickles.
37. How much did the pirate pay for ear piercings?
A buck-an-ear (buccaneer)
38. How was the paint thief finally caught? Red-handed.
39. I asked my friend if they enjoy making courthouse puns. They responded "Guilty."
40. I can't really tell you if I like this new blender. It is always giving me mixed results.
Next: 82 Dark Humor Jokes
41. I could never trust an atom; they make up everything.
42. I don't trust smelt. It's a little fishy.
43. I don't like soccer. I'm just playing it for kicks!
44. I don't really trust elevators. They're always up to something.
45. I dug, you dug, we dug, she dug, he dug, they dug. This poem isn't beautiful but it's very deep.
46. I have a new joke about paper!
Ugh, I don't want to hear it, it's probably tearable.
47. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the circus!
48. I know a great joke about pizza, however it's a little cheesy.
49. I know several jokes about retirees, however none of them work!
50. I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs!
Bad Jokes: Part 2
51. I slept terribly last night. I was dreaming about drowning in an ocean full of orange soda instead of water. Finally I realized it was just a Fanta sea.
52. I started a new business making boats in my attic. The sails are through the roof!
53. I was so addicted to the hokey pokey. Then I turned myself around.
54. I was wondering why this ball kept looking bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
55. I went to a concert that was on 45 cents!
Oh? Really?!
Yes, it was 50 Cent and Nickelback.
56. I would never date an apostrophe. Most of them are possessive.
57. If I refuse to take a break, am I resisting arrest?
58. If two vegetarians get in a fight, is it still a beef?
59. I'm super good at sleeping; I can even do it with my eyes closed!
60. I've always hated escalators, so I've been taking steps to avoid them.
Next: 50 Rude Jokes
61. Life has 3 unwritten rules.
62. Milk is simply the fastest liquid on Earth. It goes pasteurize before you can see.
63. My ex-wife keeps calling me to tell me she missed me. I'm afraid. Her aim is getting better!
64. My friend likes to take pictures of salmon in all sorts of different outfits. He said it's shooting fish in apparel.
65. My girlfriend drew her eyebrows too high and I told her. She seemed surprised!
66. My husband demanded that I stopped acting like a flamingo and I had to put my foot down!
67. My partner is furious and accused me that I have no sense of direction. I packed up my stuff and right.
68. Oh wow. You hanged that picture really well.
Thanks, I nailed it.
69. Six out of five people admit they're bad with fractions!
70. Someone was on trial because they destroyed a music studio, which included several very expensive electric guitars. The judge asks: "First offender?" To which they replied, "No, first a Gibson, then a Les Paul, then a Fender!"
Next: 95 Corny Jokes
71. Three people are in a boat with four cigarettes but no way to light them.
One of them suggests to toss the 4th cigarette overboard. That makes the boat a cigarette lighter.
72. Usually my urge to sing "the lion sleeps tonight" is simply a whim away…. a whim away, a whim away, a whim away!
73. Well… A deep subject.
74. What are the best shoes in which to play hide and seek? Sneakers!
75. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for work? "Bison."
76. What did the eraser say to the pencil? You've got a good point!
77. What did the fish seller say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
78. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!
79. What did the tie say to the hat?
I'll just hang around; you go on ahead.
Next: 50 Friday Jokes
80. What do krakens eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
81. What do runners like to eat before competing?
Nothing because they fast!
82. What do spies do when they're cold? Go undercover!
83. What do you call a bunch of people lifting up cheddar wheels in a row?
A cheesy pick-up line.
84. What do you call a fake noodle? Impasta!
85. What do you call a fish that has no eye? Fsh.
86. What do you call a horrible Thursday in French? Trajeudi
87. What do you call a very short fortune teller who was in prison but escaped?
A small medium at large!
88. What do you call an obsolete elephant? Irrelephant.
89. What do you call the wife of a hippie? Mississippi.
Next: Chuck Norris Jokes
90. What do you call when Indiana Jones, Han Solo, and Blade Runner show on a Venn diagram?
Comparison Ford.
91. What do you do with dead chemists? Barium.
92. What does a taxidermist do for a living?
Well…. You know… stuff.
93. What does one say when they jump out of the pantry? Supplies!
94. What happens if you baby your cow too much? You get spoiled milk.
95. What is a ghoul's favorite dessert? I Scream.
Next: 75 Stupid Jokes
96. What is a painter's favorite state to go on vacation? Color-ado.
97. What is cheese that doesn't belong to you called? Nacho cheese.
98. What is large, has four wheels, and flies? A garbage truck!
99. What is short for a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
100. What is the best present ever?
A broken drum – can't beat it!
Bad Jokes: Part 3
101. What is the best way to get in touch with a fish?
By dropping it a line.
102. What is the favorite subject of little witches and wizards? Spelling!
103. What is Thesaurus' favorite baked good? A synonym bun.
104. What is Whitney Houston's favorite coordination?
Hand-Eye(ahhhhh)
105. What kind of breakfast do demons eat? Deviled eggs.
106. What's do you call a will? It's really easy to find, it's a dead giveaway!
107. What's pink and smells like green paint? Pink paint.
108. What's something that's brown and sticky? A stick.
109. What's the best bait to catch a school of fish? Bookworms.
110. What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with boobs?
The first's a crusty bus station, and the second's a busty crustacean
111. What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
112. What's NASA's favorite computer place? The space bar.
113. What's the best thing about Sweden?
I have no clue but the flag is a big plus!
114. When choosing a new password:
Me: beef_stew
Website: Password not stroganoff
115. When is a joke a dad joke? When it is apparent.
116. Where do ducks deposit their money? In the riverbank.
117.Where do fish go on vacation? Finland.
118. Where do Generals keep their armies? In their sleevies.
119. Where do post officers go on vacation? To Parcelona!
120. Which is the state with the most streets? Rhode Island.
Next: 120 Mexican Jokes
121. Which one of these is faster, hot or cold?
Hot is faster. Anyone can catch a cold.
122. Who is the king of school supplies? The ruler.
123. Who was the absolute roundest knight at the Round Table?
Sir Cumference. He became so round after eating 3.14 kilos of pi.
124. Why are doctors always so calm?
They have a lot of patients.
125. Why can't pirates play cards?
Because they're literally on the deck!
126. Why can't you hear it when a pterodactyl goes to the bathroom?
The "P" is silent.
127. Why can't your toe be 12 inches long?
Because then it'll be a foot.
128. Why couldn't the pony compete in the singing contest?
He was a little hoarse.
129. Why did 7 eat 9?
You have to eat three squared meals per day.
130. Why did Adele cross the road?
She wanted to say hello from the other side!
131. Why did Mozart didn't like chickens?
Because they preferred "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
132. Why did the child cross the playground?
They wanted to get to the other slide.
133. Why did the photograph go to jail?
It was framed.
134. Why did the tea call the police?
There was a mugging.
135. Why did the turkey say no to dessert?
Because it was stuffed!
136. Why do bikes fall over?
They are two tired!
137. Why do French people never order more than one egg?
An egg is just an oeuf.
138. Why does Waldo like stripes on his shirt?
He doesn't want it spotted!
139. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they'd be bagels.
140. Why don't ghosts to the movies?
They have no body to go with!
141. Why is a bee's hair always sticky?
They always use a honeycomb.
142. Why is a football game a good place to be on a hot day?
There are so many fans!
Next: 91 Yo Mama Jokes
143. Why should one never play poker with big cats? Too many cheetahs.
144. Why should people really wear two pairs of pants when golfing?
In case you get a hole-in-one.
145. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!
146. Why was six terrified of seven?
Because 7 ate 9!
147. Why would a cat make a terrible bard?
Because they only have one tale.
148. Why you should never give Queen Elsa a balloon?
She will let it go.
149. Why you shouldn't tell jokes to eggs?
Because they'll crack up.
150. You know what's odd? Numbers that aren't divisible by 2.
- Author
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Athina is a freelance artist and author from Greece, specialising in all things fantasy and magical! She loves reading and drawing and currently has her first novel in the works. She also has a passion for dancing and metal music. She currently lives in Athens, Greece, with her husband, three sons, two hamsters, and border jack puppy! When not writing or drawing, she can be found playing trivia games, sipping cocktails, or swimming!
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